Helping Your Child Calm Down: A Few Tips!
Every child has a meltdown once in a while; you could be the single greatest parent in the world, doing everything in your power to keep your child happy and satisfied, and your child will still have moments where their emotions take over and they struggle to calm down. In situations like these, it is important to understand why they might be upset, what you can do to help them calm down and learn some proactive strategies to minimise the frequency of these moments. 😊
Below, we’re going to be going over some top tips to help you support your little one quickly and effectively when they are heightened, and how you can learn to recognise what the root of the problem is, helping you prevent possible outbursts in the future. Without further ado, let’s get started...
Connect to them by Asking Questions
The way a child’s brain works is different to adults. They might be angry at something you have no understanding of because to you, the event is insignificant or so small. Before attempting anything else, (once they have calmed down) a great start would be to ask them why they’re angry & what you can do to help.
Sometimes, this process can take a while as our little ones may not be able to label exactly what they are feeling, however with the right questions and support a clearer picture will form about the situation. You can ask questions or make comments such as “I can see you are upset, what made you feel this way?” or “Your face looks angry, sometimes I get angry too but talking about it helps me. I am happy to listen to you so I can help”.
By saying things like this, you are relating to your little one and acknowledging that their feelings are important and that you want to help. If you find that your child struggles to tell you how they are feeling, then you may need to spend some time (when they are not heightened) exploring different feelings and their names, so that they can label them in situations like these to help your understanding. 👍
Help them Understand Your Point of View
Children generally see things primarily from their own point of view and need to be taught how to understand how others feel and how their actions can make others feel. This will help them with developing their emotional competence and lead to fewer meltdowns occurring. Books are a great resource for teaching this and there are many great books out there that talk about feelings and how to appropriately express them.
During day to day interactions, you can even comment on how you are feeling and what you are doing to manage your feelings. This will role model to your child how to express and deal with their emotions in a healthy way, and show them that having emotions is not a bad thing. 💖
Little People, Big Emotions - Utilising Affection
When your little one is upset, to them, it feels like their whole world is falling apart. Before you can even understand more about why they are feeling that way and unpack the reason with them to prevent this from happening again, the first step is to support their self-regulation and deescalate the moment. This method is dependent on the scenario; for example, if your child has thrown a plate on the floor out of rage and there’s pieces of glass everywhere, showing them affection immediately probably isn’t the best idea as that is reinforcing the negative behaviour. But let’s say they’re upset that they have to go see a doctor or that they have left their favourite cuddly at home - showing affection here will be the best way to help them calm down and get them through it. 😊
Hugs, kisses, cuddles, hand holding, a gentle rub on the back; that form of physical touch can help alleviate stress, anxiety, and anger from your child and can help prevent prolonged periods of heightened emotions. There are also some great breathing techniques out there for children to learn and practice when they are calm – such as the turtle breathing technique, which you can refer to and do with them when they are upset.
Giving Space & Taking A Firm Stance
As previously mentioned, sometimes, affection and positivity aren’t the way to go. Especially when the behaviour has resulted in physical damage or physically hurting someone else. When children are in this mindset, it is sometimes best to give them space and wait till they are in a place to talk. It is important that your child knows that you are still there for them but are not going to tolerate that sort of behaviour.
You can do this by saying something along the lines of “I can see you are angry, but it is not okay to throw the plate. I think you need some space to calm down before we talk about what happened”. Make sure you are not too close, but close enough to see when they have calmed down and can go talk to them.
Learn to Manage Your Own Anger and Emotions
Being around a screaming toddler is like being around a roaring T-Rex in a lot of ways; if you don’t show fear, and don’t make any sudden movements, you’ll be fine. 😂 Jokes aside, try not to get too overwhelmed with your own frustrations because this will only cause your little one to become more agitated, especially if you aim those feelings at them.
Take a deep breath, calm down, and put on a brave face. Although it may sound a little silly to some, dealing with an angry child can be a scary sort of experience; you don’t want to risk making the situation even worse, but you also don’t want to give in each time as this will encourage the behaviour to continue. The ultimate goal is to grow your child’s emotional competence so that they can deal with their emotions when things don’t go according to plan.
It’s not that your feelings aren’t important, because they are. But at that particular moment in time, you need to set them aside and help your little one first. It also helps to take some time and reflect on situations so that you can improve on your response each time. After all, you are their role model for appropriate behaviour. Ask yourself the same questions you would ask your child: “Why did I become so angry/frustrated or upset?”, “What can I do next time to prevent it from happening?”, etc. Once you’ve mastered your own emotional competence, you will be in a better place to support your developing child’s emotional competence. 🙌
And there we have it - a few things to keep in mind when helping your little one calm down. What do you think? Do you have any ideas or comments to add? Let us know, we’d love to hear your thoughts! 😊💕
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